I Don’t Like Peas with My Mashed Potatoes

I am a notoriously & horrendously picky eater.

If you ask me to name one place where I can just order something off the menu as is, no substitutions or modifications–I don’t think I can. I’m mulling it over and nothing comes to mind. Even our favorite place to grab dinner on Friday nights makes me a special-not-on-the-menu dish because well, I’m a fussy eater.

One thing I am not picky about (and you shouldn’t be either) is human rights. We are all beautiful, breathing creatures why should anyone be denied something simply because they are different?

Most of my time spent on social media lately has been spent scrolling and sharing. I’ve not spoken much because people are callous. Callousness doesn’t usually bother me, but anymore it is like a cheese grater against my soul; eating away at my hope in humanity. I share articles and information in effort to be more than just a performative ally and to avoid complicity.

Performative allyship is a fancy way of saying you’re going through the motions of being ally. Your actions have no concrete substance in lifting up the community you are aligning yourself with. It could also be doing grand gestures, such as large donations to charitable organizations, but still making the same kind of marginalizing comments & decisions, all focused on the ‘look at me, look at me.’ Performative allyship is just that: a performance.

Complicity is the by product of inaction and silence. We are in age where you cannnot simply say, “I’m not taking sides.” Neutrality defaults to complict oppression. Our marginalized communities need active support and allyship beyond “I stand with you.” This is not to say when you participate in Black Lives Matter protests or Pride Events, you take over and make it about you. But rather you listen, take direction, and ask how you can be supportive.

If you’re not at an event another way to uplift the community you’re supporting is to call out bigotry when you see it or hear it. Your racist grandparent drops a slur? CALL THEM OUT. You let them know that kind of language is not ok and it isn’t funny. It’s small and may not feel like it makes much impact, but it does. Remember your allyship should not be conditional nor require recognition.

Despite my bisexuality and being in the LGBTQA+ community, I have a lot to learn. SO MUCH TO LEARN. Particularly, with the Trans Community. Their struggles have been heavily exasperated by the J.K. Rowling debacle. I never would have thought I would be writing a piece critical of one of my favorite authors.

Harry Potter the title a lone used to bring a smile to my face. Now, it creates panic and confusion as I watch JKR’s rhetoric unfold. If you are unfamilar, JKR has some rather inflammatory, transphobic viewpoints regarding the ‘validity’ of transpeople, which she has shared via Twitter. It’s heartbreaking.

In effort to ‘explain’ herself, she published a lengthy piece on her website. With even more harmful and damaging information to the trans community.

Many of us are experiencing difficulty in separating the story from the author. Hogwarts was supposed to a be place where people gathered because they were different. Many fans found inclusion and solace in the hope and happiness of the magical world.

Fortunately, the wonderful actors & actresses who brought our favorite characters to life have let us know they feel the exact opposite of JKR. And remind us that even though JKR has abandoned us; the love, lessons, & magic we picked up along the way will not.

Traveling around the world has afforded me the opportunity to meet so many new and interesting people–including trans people who I’ve been able to ask the hard questions without judgement in an effort to learn how to better support them as powerful people aim to erase them.

I can’t say I’m absolved of wrong doing. I know I’ve had transphobic thoughts and have said things I am not proud of. For that, to the trans community: I am sorry. I am human and can only hope to learn today to be better tomorrow. Thank you, trans friends for your understanding and patience with me as I learn and grow (especially when we are drunk in Mexico.)

People matter. That’s all there is to it. All people do matter.

However, that’s not the point of the Black Lives Matter movement. The point is a particular community of people have been mistreated and unfairly targeted for too long and it must end–now.

Besides, even if it was about saying Black Lives matter more than someone else, the argument of “All Lives Matter” is a pile of rotting garbage. Here’s why.

If all lives truly mattered, there would have been more outrage at the people seeking refuge, but instead were caged.

If all lives truly mattered, there would be more done to protect the disenfranchised, but instead we arrest them.

If all lives truly mattered, I would not be writing this post.

Instead too many people want to cherrypick which lives matter, much like a lot them want to cherrypick religious doctrine.

How little empathy do you possess for your fellow human at your failure to see their mistreatment and why they are fed up with being mistreated? And want to dictate what humans are afford what rights? My brain spins out of control at the insanity of it all.

Yet when your coupon is denied in Macy’s you terrorize the retail staff?

Again, I’m not perfect. Nor will I ever claim to be. All I can do is apologize and continue to come to the table with an open heart and open mind to be and to do better by my fellow humans. Apologies without actions are worthless, I do what I can to back my apologies with words.

I’ve noticed when people find themselves in a position where they know they cannot sustain discourse, they default to name calling. Usually, I see it with men aiming it at strong women. But more and more I see women throwing the stones at other women.

I have a friend with a larger platform than mine. We’ve both endured some hard shit. Simalarities exist, but largely it’s different. Does that mean someone has had it worse than the other? No. We’ve both walked through the quicksand without a rope and managed to survive.

As she has become more vocal on her stance on human rights (honestly I don’t know how much more vocal she can be), the hate fire has really started to rage. Some of it has been down right ugly.

The most common response to her activism has been, “stick to what you know.” I just shake my head at this comment because I think they have to be brand new to her platform. My friend, like myself, is an underdog and fights hard alongside other underdogs. So if they really knew her morals and activism they would understand–this is what she knows.

While I may not like peas with my mashed potatoes or veggies in general, tbh–

Human rights are not produce at the supermarket you can carefuly select what you want and prepare to order.