Dirty Laundry

Yesterday word of the helicopter accident killing nine people, including NBA superstar Kobe Bryant stunned the world. Grieving a celebrity you never met is a strange phenomenon; not one I understood until Chester Bennington’s death 2.5 years ago. It’s not easily articulated nor easily comprehended. However, I do not wish to focus on this tragedy through a celebrity lens, but rather a human one. Feelings on Kobe Bryant’s death are extremely polarizing. Many think ‘good riddance’ because of the accusations in his past. While the chances of the Bryant family seeing every single post of that nature is near impossible, it still saddens me nonetheless. Despite what he did, he was still a husband and a father.

My father was somewhat infamous in my tiny hometown because well to be frank, he wasn’t that great of a guy. He used to be, but his addiction destroyed his brain and personality. He knew how to entertain though. He could go anywhere and have an entire room of strangers hanging on every single word enthralled by the absurdity of his story. What strangers didn’t see was how quickly he angered or how one small retort could ignite hellacious rage.

My hometown is quite tiny; less than 500 people. The dirtier your laundry, the more people knew about it. Growing up with a dad like mine, in a community like mine, made things interesting. At one point I wondered why there wasn’t outside intervention to make all the insanity stop. I grew to accept things as they were since they couldn’t be changed and realized I would be less resilient now if someone had intervened.

While I do not fully comprehend the scrutiny Vanessa Bryant and her family face daily, I empathize with their situation. When someone you love has done something heinous, people question your loyalty and your love. It’s heartbreaking because it’s an impossible decision to make. It feels like you are doing a disservice to humanity for loving the person who did something monstrous. Yet, if you choose to side with humanity you are evil and cold-hearted for abandoning your loved one. Who can make that kind of choice? I sure couldn’t, believe me I tried. I used to run scenarios in my head of the circumstances surrounding Dad’s death. I was 100% wrong, not a single thing I ever conjured up happened. I’m still processing those events and he has been gone a year.

I’ve experienced two major life losses: a parent and a sibling. I was fortunate that my losses were nearly a decade apart. I cannot begin to fathom the emotional hurdles Vanessa Bryant is going to have to handle. To bury your husband and child at the same time is cruel and harsh reminder of how finite our time really is. Her & Kobe’s children are the survivors I ache for the most. The loss of a sibling/child is one the cruelest things that can happen to a person. There is no word for who you become after a sibling/child’s death, further accentuating the pain.

I hope Vanessa Bryant and her family are given space and peace. We all deserve room to process our emotions. Most of us receive it as we are not thwarted into a media spectacle when our love ones die. Their grief should not be ridiculed or questioned. Hearing such commentary only exasperates the pain and does nothing to help them heal. I hope they find solace and strength. God knows they are going to need it.

Think and feel what you may about Kobe Bryant’s death. His dirty laundry was aired because of the lifestyle he led. Just as my dad’s lifestyle aired ours.